


Our Corporate Partners

by redpaint



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: 2020 Season, Crack, Gen, Satire, Sex Toys, i'm sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24992926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redpaint/pseuds/redpaint
Summary: He wants to be a team player, he really does. Still, there are some lines that must be drawn.“It’s adildo company.”
Comments: 17
Kudos: 40





	Our Corporate Partners

“It’s—”

“It’s a _sponsor._ ”

George supposes they need those.

“It’s—”

“And it’s ethically manufactured. That’s more than we can say about most sponsors.”

He wants to be a team player, he really does. Still, there are some lines that must be drawn.

“It’s a _dildo company._ ”

Angie from comms shoots him a cross look. “It’s a wide range of adult technologies. Haven’t you read the memo I sent you?”

“Just please tell me there aren’t any external obligations related to this.”

⁂

It’s not like he has ever really liked doing sponsor stuff. They just need a body and a face to fill space in their ads, whatever. Every shoot is practically the same.

He just can’t pin down why shilling for a motorized fuck sleeve is worse than crude oil.

⁂

“—and that’s why when I’m off the track, I’m with LELO. The F1s. High-performance sextech for high-performance— I’m sorry, but is _sextech_ really necessary? Can’t I just say tech?”

“Sorry, we have to stick to the branding.”

George looks up at the ceiling and groans. Then he looks back down the camera and smiles. “High-performance sextech for high-performance men.”

⁂

Kimi’s drincc  
@f1_memez

more like pocket Rokit Williams Racing am i right

❤ 112 6:06 PM • August 20, 2020

⁂

“Will you confirm a rumor from me? I heard from my colleagues in R&D that you’ve gotten hooked up with the newest generation of the F1s. Have you had time to take it for a test drive?”

“I have, actually,” George lies politely. He’s read the memo this time. “It’s nice that it’s portable, since we’re always traveling. It’s good fun.”

“No secrets about what our fans can expect to see coming?”

“They’ll have to keep an out for my review in the newsletter.”

“Ah, very clever. Anyway, thanks so much for sitting down for an interview with us during such a busy season.”

“My pleasure.”

The LELO interviewer stops the recorder and stands up. “Alright, we will draft the copy for the newsletter review and have it to your team for a sign-off sometime next month.”

George nods, gathering his things. They have another sponsor thing in five minutes. “So that’s it? You’re not going to ask me if I’ve pissed in the car?”

The interviewer blinks at him a couple of times, like he can’t tell if George is joking or stupid. “No, there are specialty retailers for that sort of thing.”

⁂

LELO✔  
@lelo_official

@WilliamsRacing know that sometimes it's not all about speed. Sometimes it's about going the distance. We’ve partnered with their engineers to release exclusive new tech for our male pleasure console, the F1s. Ride on the edge with LELO.

❤ 32 6:06 PM • October 3, 2020

⁂

He only actually digs the thing out of the monstrous pile of sponsor freebies once the season is over. It would make a nice gag gift, in another life.

It’s really just ridiculous, heavy and serious-looking, black and red as though any other colorway wouldn’t be manly enough. It requires a _proprietary app._ It takes forever to charge. It makes an odd thrumming noise not unlike a pool filter. It’s not sexy. Nothing about sponsorship deals are sexy.

George’s phone pings with the notification: _Welcome to the LELO F1s App, George! To start exploring your pleasure, please connect your F1s Smart Performance Console._

**Author's Note:**

> yes the F1s is [a real thing](https://www.lelo.com/f1s-developers-kit-red)


End file.
